When You Feel

Hello friends,

After a catch-up breakfast yesterday, I went for a walk with a friend before getting back to work. Looking up, I caught sight of a hummingbird sitting atop a bare winter tree.

Hummingbirds are fierce. Solitary. Territorial. They remind me of tiny warriors, with their needle sharp beaks. Those beaks, designed to sip nectar from flowers, become weapons in a fight. The thing that helps the bird take in sustenance, is the very thing it uses to defend access to the flowers.

We humans can feel that way sometimes, too. We have needs. Sometimes we have to fight to get those needs met. Sometimes fighting becomes a habit that is hard to break. Once solitary, how do we trust? How do we learn to share space? To make friends? How do we learn to set boundaries while not using those same boundaries to shut out the rest of the world?

And, looking at this from another angle: how do we set boundaries with friends, work, and family in order to foster our creativity, our spiritual practice, our goals, and our dreams? How do we claim space, while acknowledging that we might want to share space later on? And conversely, how do we come to comprehend our own worth so that someone else’s boundary doesn’t feel like rejection?

Humans—even introverts like me—are not meant to be solitary forever. We aren’t hummingbirds, who only share space grudgingly and for small amounts of time. Humans need connection.

But sometimes that connection comes at a cost. Boundaries get trampled on. Disrespect happens. Or worse: abuse, oppression, or feeling cast out.

What I know is this: in my own life, sometimes I’ve needed to be more like a hummingbird, to fight for my boundaries instead of acquiescing for a sense of connection. Other times? I’ve fought too soon and too hard, turning away what might have been a chance to truly connect on a deeper level.

There is conflict in life, and there are flowers. There are times for a sense of satisfaction and contentment in being solitary, and times to remember that we are not the only ones who can feel isolated and alone. To paraphrase James Baldwin, the stories we share remind us that we are not the only ones in pain.

So, I guess that’s what I want to say: take time away if you need it. Protect your boundaries if you need to. But don’t forget to reach out, too. Whether that’s through a conversation, making art, reading a book, or sitting quietly with someone.

You aren’t the only one who ever feels alone. And sometimes being alone is exactly what we need.

Live. Make noise. Be quiet. Rest. Create. Connect.

And also remember: in some Indigenous cultures, hummingbirds are magic, appearing and disappearing in a flash, reflecting the light of the sun.

Wishing you well — Thorn

In my latest YouTube offering, I present the three ingredients that for me, make up magic: Magic, What is It? The editing and transcripts of these longer videos are funded by my Patreon people. The transcripts help make the videos more accessible.

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